GET PAID TO DO NOTHING

All pay and no work….
Get suspended and wallow in paid time-off, by doing something bad enough to get you suspended from work on full pay, without actually being sacked. Have a friend make an outrageous complaint about you, then get them to withdraw it just as the legal proceedings start.

Start contradicting your boss in meetings or in front of other workers – something you can put down to a mild difference of opinion, but just enough to be very annoying over a long period of time. They may try to ease you out of your job, with a good pay off to prevent you taking them to a tribunal.

Sell something you don’t own
like Real Life Blagger Dennis Hope

BLAG YOUR WAY THROUGH WORK WITH MINIMAL EFFORT

Think drink
Drink lots – then you can legitimately spend more time in the loo. Few people are ever sacked for comfort breaks. And a drink on your desk is an invitation it to be knocked over. At the very least, you spend time damping down your desk, and you may even gain a secondary, but much more valuable, advantage of a broken computer.

How do you get through the day without lifting a finger? Tell the Blag Blog.

BLAG A SICK NOTE

Sick notes are valuable. If you earn an average UK salary of £24,500, each day you take off is worth £104. Convince a doctor to sign you off for two weeks and that’s more than a grand in your pay packet - just for staying at home!

A successful sick note blag demands an illness for which no guaranteed treatment exists:

• Stress and a bad back are the only two ailments sufficient to blag yourself a couple of weeks off work safely.
• Express general symptoms, not specific ones. Remember, doctors are professional people, ruthlessly trained to spot a shirker. By being specific, you could inadvertently reveal yourself to be a fraud or, worse, end up having an exploratory operation.

What’ your boldest sick note wheeze? Tell the Blag Blog.