PERSONAL HYGIENE ON THE CHEAP

Face
Moisturising: Olive oil works brilliantly, but it can be expensive. It’s cheaper to dip your face into the bowl they bring with your bread in restaurants.

Spots: Cover acne by bandaging a large part of your head and telling people you have suffered an injury. This will ensure sympathy instead of laughter or horror. Alternatively, wear a balaclava.

Mixing aspirin and water into a paste and applying to blemishes before going to bed saves money on expensive creams.

Smelly bits
Deodorants are pricey and have been linked to breast cancer. Save cash and your health by switching to remedies found in the kitchen cupboard.

• Apple cider vinegar adjusts the chemical balance of the skin, making it less acidic so that bacteria can't thrive. Bung some in your armpits and say so-long to the pong
• Baking soda is a tried and tested way of killing under-arm bacteria and helps absorb perspiration
• Radishes and turnip juice are also trusty odour beaters

If you must use deodorant or perfumes, wait till you get to a friend’s house – or posh hotel – so you don’t waste your own.

Places with free smelly stuff

BLAG FITNESS

Buy the mags
A running magazine on your coffee table or in your bag makes it look like you take fitness very seriously. Why run when you can read?

Get your heart-rate racing
Aerobic fitness is good for you. You need to get your heartbeat up for 20 minutes or so three or four times a week. Thinking about exercise should be enough to do it.